Great One-Liners

Discussion in 'Humor and Jokes' started by AlteredStateofMind, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. AlteredStateofMind

    AlteredStateofMind New Member

    I'm a big fan of one-liners and puns. Just short, simple humor. So, howsabout a thread dedicated to some of the best.

    I'll start:

    Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?

    Yeah, it runs through your jeans!
     
  2. DrugZ

    DrugZ Banned

    Haha
    No offense to anybody, but this is just hilarious.

    Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
    A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a horse.
     
  3. Sproggs

    Sproggs Sr. Member

    Haiku's are easy.
    But sometimes they don't make sense.
    Refrigerator.
     
  4. rasta farmer

    rasta farmer New Member

    dont stare at me with them dead eyes you church bitch
     
    3 people like this.
  5. Charley

    Charley New Member

    some of the best one liners in movie history


    Johnny from Airplane

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YV5h6xzGKo"]YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]
     
  6. muttdawg509

    muttdawg509 New Member

    Q. Why don't women need drivers licenses?

    A. there's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom
     
    4 people like this.
  7. TheCheese

    TheCheese New Member

    [FONT=Comic Sans MS, Arial]Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. [/FONT]
     
  8. homemadebubbler

    homemadebubbler Always bubblin'

    Why was the math book sad?


    It had a lot of problems...
     
    2 people like this.
  9. KyMon7

    KyMon7 New Member

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing she's already been told twice.
     
    2 people like this.
  10. FunkySkunky

    FunkySkunky Gentille, allouette

    On his deathbed, Voltaire was urged to renounce Satan.
    He promptly replied, "I choose not today for making new enemies."
     
  11. Scruff MacPuff

    Scruff MacPuff New Member

    A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.
     
  12. DrugZ

    DrugZ Banned

    Lmao, For how fucked up that is
    Its by far the funniest thing iv heard all day
     
  13. toke_after_toke

    toke_after_toke New Member

    Did you hear about the gay midget?
    He came out of the cupboard
     
  14. Venatrix

    Venatrix New Member

    That's one of my favourite jokes in the world.
     
  15. Dark

    Dark Fool on the Hill

    If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

    Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
     
  16. Scruff MacPuff

    Scruff MacPuff New Member

    A guy almost walked into a bar but he noticed it and ducked.
     
  17. DrugZ

    DrugZ Banned

    If at first you dont succeed, Blame somebody else and try a new strategy.
    :p
     
  18. jikaboom123

    jikaboom123 Sr. Member

    My Chinese tour guide asked me if I wanted to see Tiananmen Square. I said, "No, Tanks!"
     

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