What Did I Do Wrong?

The most important thing you need to bring with you to a drug test is your identification. You will need a government issue photo identification. That means a driving license, State issued ID card, passport, military ID card, etc. A library card, credit card, social security card will not do.

Some horror stories

Cold Specimen

I show up at a safety meeting with names drawn for a random test on a list. James says he really needs to use the bathroom because he has diarrhea. He goes in and comes out a few minutes later. In the meantime, I’m conducting the breath alcohol tests and urine collections on others who were drawn. Johnnie’s name comes up and he fills his paperwork, takes his cup and goes into the restroom. He comes out a couple minutes later, hands the cup to me, ½ full as instructed. He looks a bit nervous, but not too bad. When I look at the temperature strip on the cup, I don’t see anything registered. That is very unusual, so I pick up the cup to get better light. Well, the cup was cold. I don’t mean cool, I mean like it had ice water in it. I looked at James and said, “this is cold”. He says “What?” I repeat, “this is cold”. He says (with a very serious, straight face), “Well, I just drank a milkshake”. I just had him complete the paperwork, sign the form and hand him his copy. He doesn’t notice that I wrote in the remarks section: Collection cup containing urine is cold to the touch and registers no temperature. Collection 1 of 2.

Johnnie ended up waiting for 2 more hours to pass and drank 30 ounces more water so he could give me another specimen, this time observed (with the observer watching the urine flow from his body into the collection cup). I am required to send in the cold specimen and the second, observed specimen. So, after James gives me the second specimen and I write why the second collection was done under observation, send in two separate voids and James has signed that he provided both specimens, the lab tests both. When one had THC present and the other did not, it was a pretty good tip-off that James was busted for substituting one specimen and caught for being positive for the other.

Johnnie lost his job and had to see a Substance Abuse Professional for an evaluation and treatment program before he could work in his field again, for any employer.

Bullied Into Testing Too Soon

I get a call that an Owner/Operator needs to join a consortium, have a test on file have a program written for his company, and random testing done; asap. When I talk to him on the phone, he is strange, talking about all kinds of paranoid ideas. Anyway, he agrees to come into my facility the next day to take a drug test (DOT). He comes in the next day, Takes the training I offer him, the program I wrote for him, and the drug test. He doesn’t pay right away, saying something about forgetting his checkbook. I am ready to write off the expense that I am out and prepared to never hear from this person again.

Couple of days later, I get a check in the mail for the full amount. The drug test has not cleared the laboratory yet. One full week later, the test still has not cleared the laboratory, so I call and ask what the problem is. The lab tech says that they needed to run the confirmation process twice on this specimen, but won’t tell me the exact nature of the problem. 2-3 days later, I get a call from the MRO. He needs to speak to the Donor. I call the Donor, leave a message on his phone that he should call my office as soon as possible. About an hour later, the Donor calls me. I tell him to call the MRO. He does. About ten minutes later, the MRO calls me and tells me that the Donor is positive for Amphetamines (Meth).

Now the Donor must attend a Substance Abuse Professional’s evaluation, attend the recommended treatment, go through the re-evaluation, return-to-duty testing and follow-up testing for up to 5 years. Why? Because the Donor was intimidated by the DOT inspector into taking a drug test when he knew he could not pass. If the Donor had waited about a week and then taken the test (assuming the Donor stopped using drugs for that week), he would have passed, no problem.

The consequences of an Owner/Operator continuing to operate a commercial motor vehicle with a failed drug test is that if the Owner/Operator is again audited and found to be operating while disqualified, the company (Owner) is subject to a $2,000 fine for allowing the driver (Operator) to drive the CMV. His company will be disqualified and the DOT number will be suspended or revoked. Since this particular operator lives and works very near the State line, he cannot cross into the neighboring state to conduct business with a revoked DOT number. It effectively puts the Owner/Operator out of business.

No Identification

This one is simple: No ID, no test. If this is for a pre-employment, you won’t get the job. I will send you away, I don’t care what the excuse is. Saying that you “lost your license” and haven’t gotten to the DMV to have it replaced is no good. I just send you to the DMV and tell you to call the employer and beg for mercy and a re-scheduled test date.

One young man came in to my facility and said he didn’t have any identification at all. He had lost his wallet and had nothing left. It was 3:45 pm on Friday. The DMV will not accept anyone after 4:00 pm. He had only 15 minutes to get across town, and get his license replaced. It is a good thing we are in a relatively small city and the DMV wait is not what it is in, say, California. He did manage to get the license replaced and managed to get back to my facility to “donate” before the 4:30 cutoff for overnight courier service for that day. Since we do not have overnight courier service over weekends, this kid almost missed having his specimen tested by a laboratory for another 3-4 days. That could have disqualified him from the position if the employer wanted to hire right away.

Remember, always bring a Government issued, unexpired photo identification with you to any testing facility. That could be a State issued ID card, State driver’s license, Passport, military identification or any other form of photo ID. Also, to avoid any delays, if you have lost or gained several pounds, dyed or drastically changed your hair style, grown a full beard, etc., since your photo was taken, go and get the identification updated. For your photo identification to be used for identification purposes, the photo must actually look like you.

Excuses, excuses, excuses

None of the following will work while trying to “fool” the MRO into thinking you aren’t really positive:

1. I was at a party where they were smoking, but I didn’t smoke any pot.
2. I didn’t inhale.
3. I didn’t know that the cookies, brownies, butter, whatever, contained marijuana.
4. I have a medical marijuana “permit”.
5. I only took one or two of my wife’s pain pills for my headache.
6. My prescription wasn’t cutting it, so I doubled the dose.
7. I ate too many poppy seeds.
8. Someone spiked my drink
9. No way in hell!!!! I don’t do drugs at all!!!! The lab must have screwed up!!!! I’m going to sue!!! (you get the idea).
10. …but I don’t smoke pot any more, I quit a couple of weeks ago.

None of the following will work while trying to “fool” the Collector into thinking that you aren’t attempting to adulterate, dilute or substitute a test:
1. It is cold because I just drank a milkshake.
2. I really need to keep my purse with me.
3. Can my friend come in with me?
4. I need to run out to my car for something.
5. I just need to get something from my friend.
6. Can’t I come back tomorrow or later today?
7. That is all I have in my pockets (“oh yea?” “Is that something in your pocket or are you just really happy to be here?).
8. Not using toilet paper (females).
9. After making urination sounds, walking around in the bathroom and waiting an excessively long time to open the door.
10. Dancing when you arrive, and your specimen looks completely clear.

The following will only succeed in pissing off the Collector:
1. Do you really like your job?
2. How can you do this day after day?
3. This is violating my rights.
4. Don’t you trust me?
5. This is really gross.
6. I would never take a job like this.
7. Man, what a bitch (muttered under the breath; not meant for me to hear).
8. This is really stupid.
9. I’m in a huge hurry, can I leave now? (I’ll let you leave when we are done)
10. Pissing all over the bathroom and toilet.
11. Flushing the toilet after being told not to.
12. Pissing an inadequate amount in the cup then waiting to see if your bladder will find more urine to add with it. (If it didn’t come out the first time, it ain’t there).
13. Whining of any kind.
14. Can’t I cut my own hair? (no)
15. Do you really have to cut the hair from the head? (yes, if it is available)
16. Pretending you don’t understand the simple, thoroughly explained instructions.

Just pee in the cup, set the cup down and open the door for God’s sake!!! It really isn’t that hard, and if you don’t agree with it, grosses you out or insults you, I don’t really care. It is your choice to be there. If you don’t want to pee in the cup then don’t. You won’t get the job, but no one is forcing you to pee in the damn cup, or donate your hair, or swab your mouth. Same thing for the probation/parole tests. You can always go to jail. No one is forcing you to take the drug test.

Waiting for the full 3 hours to pee in the cup also pisses us off. We are paid by the collection, not by the hour. If you think that I don’t know when an employee is sucking up on the waiting time so he/she doesn’t have to go back on the line, you are mistaken. While I must allow you the full 3 hours to produce a specimen, if you are pacing and dancing from foot to foot, I know you need to pee. I will suggest that you “give it a try”.
After about 1½ to 2 hours, you had better “give it a try” because we are getting really frustrated by your lack of cooperation.